Friday, July 17, 2009

Death Wish

I think my new personal trainer is trying to kill me.

It's 6:30 a.m. and I've just finished my third workout of the week. Every muscle I have aches. My legs are shaky and will barely hold me up. I'm so sweaty that the last time the air conditioner kicked on, I got the shivers.

My trainer is 23. He does not seem to realize that I am nearly old enough to be his . . . much older sister. He is ruthless. I am writing this post so that the world will know who is responsible if I should be found dead on my living room floor, covered in sweat and frumpy workout clothes.

This morning Ellie woke up halfway through my workout and insisted on "helping." She tried to sit on my chest while I did leg raises. She touched her toes when I did. She also felt the need to make funny grunting and groaning noises, which alerted me to the fact that I must be doing the same. The impossibly young trainer thought the whole thing was hilarious.

It feels really good to be doing something about my, um . . . excess baggage. But I may die in the process. Just sayin'.

In other news:
  • I was on CNN's website the other night, and there was a picture of Michael Jackson on the screen. Ellie pointed to it and said "Mama." WTF?!
  • I am happy to report that, since the poop in wa-wa debacle, Ellie's baths have come off without incident. But not without a few laughs. Last night while she was splashing around, I took advantage of having a moment to pee when she was NOT clinging to my leg. I didn't think Ellie was even paying attention, until I flushed the toilet and she began clapping wildly. "Yay, Mama!! Pee pee potty! Sticker!" Just so you know, I did reward myself with a sticker and congratulate myself on being such a good girl.
  • Ellie now pats her nipples and informs me that they are her hoo-hoos.
  • There have been no additional sightings of the Snooty Suburb Bear. Let's hope his GPS kicked in and he's found his way to West Virginia.
  • If you're wondering why I didn't post on Wednesday, the truth is that I did, but I took it down. It was an open letter to Dr. Wonderful, and I decided that ticking him off intentionally was probably not a good idea. For those of you who saw it before I took it down and offered supportive comments, thanks so much -- I can't tell you how much I appreciate the moral support.
  • I went on my much-anticipated date on Tuesday. I was going to blog about it, but I've decided it's really none of your business. So there.
  • Today is my mom's birthday, and also Katie's at Domestic Debacle. Happy birthday Grandma and Katie!

That is all.

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