Skydiving? Has the potential to end very badly.
Hot air balloon ride? Too Wizard of Oz.
Expensive vacation? Too . . . well, expensive.
Flying lessons? No thanks.
Mid-life crisis car? I can't afford a mid-life crisis, much less a car.
Tattoo? Hmmm. Now THAT has possibilities.
So, like an idiot, I mentioned on Facebook that I was thinking of getting a tattoo. The comments came pouring in -- at last count, 30 of them.
Bill: Oddly enough, I work with a guy who looks like Tattoo, but I don't know if he does parties.
Susie: Are you considering a conventional artist or prison art? Perhaps a nice tramp stamp?
Mindy: They're like potato chips. You can't have just one.
Danielle: Feels like a slippery "white trash" slope to me . . .
Barry: My wife has a tramp stamp of a horse. All it does is make me feel inadequate.
Emily: As long as it doesn't say "Dr. Wonderful," it's fine with me.
But my favorite suggestion was this one, from my friend Melanie, who happens to share my birthday. She, unfortunately, will NOT be 40 in February.
Have I mentioned that my friends are smart-asses?
So that got me to thinking about bad tattoos. I don't know yet what sort of art I might get, or even if I'll get a tattoo at all. But I know I will NOT be getting anything that involves turning my belly button into a monkey's orifice.
Here are some others I think I've decided against:
I give you . . . the Pac Man butt crack.
I love my friends, but I have no intention of tattooing their faces on my ass.
I love me some Christopher Walken, too, but seriously?
I recognize the McDonald's logo, but I'm not sure what the little poofs right above the butt-crack are supposed to symbolize. Especially when coupled with the McDonald's logo. I DO, however, understand the connection between McDonald's and muffin-top.
I recognize the McDonald's logo, but I'm not sure what the little poofs right above the butt-crack are supposed to symbolize. Especially when coupled with the McDonald's logo. I DO, however, understand the connection between McDonald's and muffin-top.
And my personal favorite: something grammatically incorrect that is tattooed on your body FOREVER.
If you have suggestions about my impending tattoo, please feel free to leave your comments below. But please do NOT suggest this. Remember what I said about orifices.
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I have to say that I find the monkey's butt less disturbing than the fact that the guy has a BAR CODE on his jeans. What do you suppose that's for? Some kind of house arrest that banks on the fact that he's unlikely to change clothes for 4-6 months? A new way to organize one's closet? I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteYour post cracked me up (no pun intended). I turned 40 twice and I did not acknowledge any of them! I'm perpetually 39 ;-) Welcome to the club!
ReplyDeleteMonique
Oh. My. Goodness. You have me cracking up! I started out just giggling and ended up laughing so hard I am now wiping the tears from my eyes so I can write this comment. Seriously, where do you come up with this stuff?
ReplyDeleteWhew, thanks for the laugh. I really need to make it over this way more often. You are too funny!
No comments on the tattoo. . .
Try some temporary tattoos from the dollar store or one of those 25 cent machines before you make the commitment. I can see My Little Pony on your ankle or Hello Kitty on your shoulder blade. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm kinda agreeing here with Pam...remember it's for life and what might look hip on your youthful 40 year old body now, will most likely have a totally different "look" when things are sagging a bit more once you hit 65.
ReplyDeleteI think you should find something that you feel is meaningful to you, go through photo albums and find things that mean something to you. Tattoos are less likely to be a regret if they make you feel something other than, "wow that looks really cool" maybe a certain flower reminds you of a summer with your family or a certain tree reminds you of s person you wish was still there. Since it is permanent, having some meaning to it will make it more special to you and you alone, which is how tattoos are supposed to be :)
ReplyDelete