Monday, March 22, 2010

A whorse is a whorse

Dear friends and family:

As you know, my daughter’s birthday is coming up. She will soon be three, and like most three-year-old girls, she is into girly stuff. Dress-up clothes, Disney princesses, dolls of all shapes, sizes and real-life defecating abilities – all these are of great interest to her. Even Barbies are starting to grab her attention.

And I’m generally okay with all these things. Yes, I do what I can to discourage Prince Charming Syndrome, and I don’t want her to think it’s natural for a woman’s breasts to be so large she is incapable of standing upright. But I’ve given in to the inevitable. She is a girl, and I’m allowing her to be one, even with all the baggage that can come with that. The truth is that I’m a big Disney fan myself, so I don’t mind the princesses so much. Barbie comes in several incarnations, including doctor and lawyer. As long as my kid is engaged in creative, imaginative play, I really don’t care if that involves frilly dresses or wooden blocks.

So as you choose a gift for my daughter’s special day, please feel free to purchase anything you think she would like. But know that I do draw the line somewhere.

Like here:

These, as you probably know, are Bratz dolls. Otherwise known as Trollop Barbie. They are wearing tiny little gladiator stilettos. Do not buy one of these for my daughter, mmkay? Thanks.

And while we're at it, don't buy her one of these, either:

This is Baby Bratz, which appears to be a baby in a thong. With a tiara and eyeliner. And cankles. But that's an entirely different post.

Not that Barbie is letting the grass grow under her go-go-booted feet:

This, my friends, is Bling Bling Barbie. No, really. Complete with cell phone, pouty lips, excessive eye makeup, and skirt that barely covers her cootchie. I do not want my daughter to own one of these. Not now, not ever, not in this lifetime. A nice, normal, regular Barbie? That's fine. Bling Slut Barbie? NO.

Ellie has lately been introduced to My Little Pony, to which I have no objection. I'm not a rainbows-and-ponies type of girl, but whatever. I'm sure I was when I was three. If you feel compelled to grace Ellie with a My Little Pony, you go right ahead. Knock yourself out.

But please do not buy her a whorse.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a horse in high heels. It is carrying a purse. It is wearing eye makeup, jewelry, and what appears to be a mini-skirt and halter ensemble. It comes with a curry comb AND A COMPACT. It's from a line of toys called Struts. They are called "fantasy fashion model horses" with "runway magic." Really? REALLY? We now have fashion model HORSES?!

I think girls' toys have perhaps gone too far.

So if you must buy Ellie a horse, get her this kind:

We'll be needing a pasture and a barn to go with that, mmkay? And if you could run it past the homeowner's association and get their approval, that would be great. Thanks. And yes, Susie, I'm ripping off your Facebook photos.


  1. Wow, I thought that the "Bratz" dolls were disturbing, but they have nothing on "Baby Bratz." Talk about stomach churning. What were they thinking?

  2. I have never let my daughters have the whore dolls. They are gross. Who ever thought that was a good idea to market to a little girl needs to be shot.

    My daughter is 3 today. She got a lot of My Little Ponies and Strawberry Shortcake. She isn't a whore.

  3. Damn, I wanna look like Bling Bling Barbie. More than ever. Thanks a lot.

  4. I think the Whorse needs a date. Do they have a male stud counterpart?

  5. We've always had a srict NO BRATZ DOLLS policy in our family as well. I've always called them Hooker Barbies (which then led to me having to explain what a hooker is a littler sooner than I'd planned on, but whatever). But the whorse??? And they called them Struts??? Which sounds so very, very much like Sluts????? I didn't realize Pamela Anderson was designing toys these days. Geesh.